My story of xanax withdrawal

 I always read stories about withdrawal and never thought I would become a victim of Xanax withdrawal. While my doctor put me on the medication for anxiety, and, oh how easy it was to pop a pill and feel better...3 years of abusing the drug Xanax became a prison. During those three years, I started out taking 3 .5 mg. a day. By the time I was forced to withdraw, I was up to 11 .5 a day. Some days I would pop up to 4 pills at a time. Xanax really never made me feel better, just safe. Knowing that I had those pills made me feel comfortable. One time we went on vacation and I forgot my pills. I drove all the way home to get them. I remember the panicked horrible feeling in my chest knowing that I didn't have my beloved little friends with me. Over and over I would take too many pills and when it was time to fill my prescription, the pharmacy and the doctor would deny my request. I would make up lies about how I was going on vacation and needed the medication so the doctor would honor my request to pick up my medication early. Soon it caught up with me. The doctor got tired of my excuses and the pharmacy staff began to know me. I was so ashamed but I didn't want to give up my little friends. It has been three weeks since I had my last dose. The doctor's office literally cut me off cold turkey. I begged and pleaded with them to fill my perscription. The nurse practitioner said the doctor would not see me and said I had to wait until Monday to pick up a new prescription. It was the Wednesday before and no I was scared. I had two pills left until Monday and I was used to taking up to 11. God, the fear sunk in. The practitioner told me just to go through the pain and go off cold turkey. Friday hit and I was taking 1/8 of a pill every 2-3 hours. It took the edge off, but it was probably just helping me more psychologically. I felt awful...nervous, teeth grinding, twitching, insomnia, stomach ache, and was extremely irritable. I couldn't hold down a conversation, and I have two small children ages 4 and 8. Worse yet, my husband had no idea I was even on the medication. It was my dirty little secret and it still is. I had one friend I could confide in and she helped me through it. She gave me a couple of compazine suppositories and they helped take the edge off. I couldn't do anything but sit on the couch, lie in bed, or pace through the house. It was 90 degrees outside and all I could do was look out the window and watch the hours tick by. I kept counting back as to how many hours had passed since my last dosage. I was in hell. I took my last dosage of Xanax on July 12, 2003. It is now August 8. Tomorrow it will be 3 weeks. I am still suffering from withdrawal. I feel like my eyes don't belong in their sockets. I am still feeling disconnected from society. I am usually a very social person but have managed to dissassociate myself from my friends. I just read that it can take 6 months to 2 years for the withdrawal symptoms to go away. I will die. I thought it might take about a week.